What Do You Do When Your Adult Child Walks Away From Your Values?
What do you do when the child you raised, prayed for, and poured into begins making choices that clash with your faith or values?
On this episode of Backstage with Randy Phillips, Randy sits down with Jim Burns, founder of HomeWord and longtime family ministry leader, for a conversation about parenting adult children, setting healthy boundaries, navigating disappointment, and holding onto hope when family relationships become complicated.
How Should Your Role Change When Your Child Becomes an Adult?
One of Jim’s biggest reminders is that parenting has to change as children grow.
Adult children do not want to be treated like teenagers, and constant advice can quickly feel like criticism. Jim explains that parents often have to “reinvent the relationship” and shift from a parent-child dynamic to a relationship that recognizes the child as an adult.
That does not mean abandoning wisdom or values. It means learning how to lead with relationship instead of control.
How Do You Stay Connected When You Disagree?
Jim encourages parents to stay in what he calls the “messy middle.”
That means resisting the urge to make every disagreement a battle. Even when parents strongly believe they are right, constantly saying, “I’m right and you’re wrong,” can make it harder for an adult child to feel safe enough to stay connected.
Relationships are a marathon, not a sprint. Sometimes preserving connection gives faith, truth, and love room to work over time.
What Is the Difference Between Helping and Enabling?
Love does not mean removing every consequence.
Jim warns that parents can unintentionally enable dependence when they rush in to fix every problem, cover every expense, or shield adult children from the results of their choices.
Sometimes experience teaches what advice cannot.
Healthy parenting may require boundaries, financial limits, or a clear plan for independence. Tough love, Jim explains, is not about being harsh. It is about allowing the consequences of choices to happen while continuing to care deeply.
Can You Love Someone Without Agreeing With Them?
One of the strongest themes in the conversation is simple: love does not require agreement.
Your adult child likely already knows what you believe. The bigger question is whether they still know you are a safe person to come to when life gets difficult.
Jim encourages parents to lead with love, stay grounded in their convictions, and keep the relationship open.
Keep Loving, Keep Praying, Stay in Their Story
The hope of this episode is not perfect alignment.
It is relationship.
Jim reminds parents that good parents can still have adult children who make painful choices. Their decisions do not define your worth as a parent. Your role is to keep loving, keep praying, and stay present in their story.
Watch or listen to the full conversation on Backstage with Randy Phillips for more encouragement on parenting adult children, setting boundaries, staying connected, and finding hope when family life gets complicated.
Watch this episode of Backstage with Randy Phillips by clicking HERE!