Don’t Outsource Your Child’s Spirituality
We live in a world of outsourcing.
We outsource our groceries. We outsource our meals. We outsource our lawn care, our bookkeeping, and our home repairs. I love the experts helping me figure out things that I’m clueless about.
And while outsourcing can be incredibly helpful, there is one thing God never intended parents to outsource:
The spiritual formation of their children.
Our churches are here to help. Children’s pastors are here to help- and we have some great leaders! Youth pastors, small-group leaders, teachers, coaches, and mentors all play important roles.
But none of them can replace you, Mom and Dad. Our church can partner with parents, but it cannot replace them. Look what God said to the leader of Israel concerning this issue:
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 says:
“These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road…”
Notice where and when spiritual formation happens. At home. Around the table. In the car. On the way to school. At bedtime. In ordinary conversations and ordinary moments. Literally, all the time.
God's plan was never for parents to drop their children off at church and say, “Okay, Pastor, you've got them for the next hour. Teach them everything they need to know about Jesus.” We will definitely do our part.
Parents are the primary pastors of their homes. Your children are watching more than they are listening. Our kids are watching the way we put Jesus first in our lives.
You can tell your kids, “Jesus is important,” but they are watching what is actually important to you.
They notice whether you pray when you're worried. They notice whether you worship when life is difficult. They notice how you treat your spouse.
They notice what happens when someone disappoints you. They notice whether you forgive. They notice whether generosity is part of your life or simply something you talk about at church. They notice whether your faith is a Sunday activity or a Monday-through-Saturday reality.
Children may forget a sermon illustration, but they will remember watching Mom and Dad pray.
They may not remember every Bible verse you taught them, but they will remember Mom and Dad reading their bibles.
They may not remember every worship song, but they will remember seeing their parents worship God when life wasn't going their way.
Your life is teaching your children what you believe, whether you realize it or not. Don't make the church the only place your kids encounter God.
Imagine if we treated education that way.
“School is responsible for teaching my child everything they need to know.” Most parents wouldn't accept that.
We understand that education works best when parents and teachers work together.
The same is true spiritually.
The church provides biblical teaching, community, worship, pastoral care, mentoring, and opportunities for children to discover and develop their gifts.
But parents create the spiritual atmosphere of the home.
The church should reinforce what is happening at home, and home should reinforce what is happening at church.
Spiritual leadership doesn't require a theology degree. Some parents hesitate because they don't feel qualified.
“I don't know enough Bible.” “I don't know how to answer all their questions.” “I'm not a pastor.”
Good news:
You don't have to be a theologian to be a spiritual leader.
You simply have to be willing to walk with your children toward Jesus.
Pray with them.
Read Scripture with them.
Ask questions.
Admit when you don't know the answer.
Look it up together.
Tell them about what God is teaching you.
Share your testimony.
Talk about why you give.
Talk about why you serve.
Talk about what you are learning at church.
And when you mess up, say those four powerful words:
“I was wrong. Forgive me.”
That may be one of the most spiritual things your children ever hear from you.
Create a culture of faith, not just a schedule of faith.
Maybe it's praying before school.
Maybe it's reading a Psalm together at breakfast.
Maybe it's asking at dinner, “Where did you see God today?”
Maybe it's praying together before bed.
Maybe once a week the family serves someone who needs help.
Maybe Sunday lunch becomes a place to talk about what God is doing in everyone's life.
It doesn't have to be complicated.
Small spiritual habits, repeated over time, can shape an entire family culture.
Parents, lead through your own relationship with Jesus.
Perhaps the most important spiritual gift you can give your children isn't another Bible study.
It's your own authentic faith.
Let your kids see you pursuing Jesus.
Let them see you worship.
Let them see you pray.
Let them see you repent.
Let them see you forgive.
Let them see you give.
Let them see you serve.
Let them see that Christianity isn't simply something you expect from them.
It's something you're living yourself.
Because eventually your children will have to decide what they believe.
You cannot believe for them. You cannot force faith into their hearts. You cannot manufacture a relationship with Jesus for them.
But you can create a home where faith is normal, Scripture is honored, prayer is practiced, grace is extended, and Jesus is genuinely loved.
Don't outsource what God entrusted to you.
The greatest spiritual legacy you may ever leave your children isn't a college fund, a successful career, or a beautiful house.
It may simply be this:
“My parents didn't just tell me that Jesus mattered. I watched them live like He did.”